10 rules of Indian film making

(Please Note: This is a cool forwarded mail that I received. I would like to thank the person who sent this to me and all those who forwarded it to him.)

1.Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).

2.If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
a) die
b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.
If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

3.Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

4.The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be chased by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

5.In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

6.When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
b) run out of bullets.

7.When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).

8.Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of
a) pots
b) barrels
c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

9.Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
c) the family dog/cat.

10.Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.
b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1), saying"Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

From my personal collection (Part 2)

A lady walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide.

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license... They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband having dinner in a restaurant with pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now... You didn't tell me you had a prescription".

From my personal collection- (Part 1)

What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?
Wow! New Underwear.


What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!


Need one gal 2 marry...
Age no bar
Color no bar
height no bar
caste no bar
but gal's father must have his own bar... CHEERS

Visit to former neighbours- Gone Haywire!!!

A few years ago we had shifted our house to a new locality. And since I had been studying engineering at a different place I wasn't able to meet my former neighbours for a very long time.

Therefore, last month, when I had been to my home on vacations, I decided to pay a visit to my former neighbours.

The first former neighbour I visited had opened a new shop in front of his house and he was sitting in that particular shop when I spotted him.
"Hello Uncle!" I said.
"Hi son!" he replied, "What have You been doing in Your life?"
"Engineering" I said.
"Which branch?" he enquired.
"Electronics and Communications" I said with some pride.
To which he replied- " Really, isn't that the same branch where they teach You how to repair radios???"
'Come on man' I thought 'does he really believe I spend four years learning how to repair radios?'

Now I could not blame that person for he is not highly educated.

So I went to meet my next neighbour. He was a highly educated man and a professor in a college.
"Hello Uncle!" I said.
"Hi son!" he replied, "What have You been doing in Your life?"
"Engineering" I said.
"Which branch?" he enquired.
"Electronics and Communications" I said with some pride.
To which he replied-" Really, isn't that the same branch where they teach You how to repair Computers???"

Needless to say I cancelled my 'Visit to former neighbours' program that day.

Cheesy T-shirt One-liners !!!

T-1: I am an FBI-Female Body Inspector.

comment:Cool,are You recruiting new personnel???

T-2: Do You believe in love at first sight or should I pass by once again?

comment:Ahem...Did I hear,oops,see it right???

T-3: I am lost, please take me home with You.

comment: Depends on who's wearing the T-shirt.

T-4: I was born intelligent but education ruined me.

comment:Moral of this story-Don't be born intelligent, because You can't escape education.

T-5: Not all men are fools. Some stay bachelors.

comment: The corollary goes like this- 'Not all women are fools. Most get married.'